she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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