"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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