he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
