You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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