That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
