HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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