I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
