So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
