Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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