Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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