Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
