I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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