i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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