Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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