She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
