we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
