Cold hands, warm shart.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
