I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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