Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
