youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
