I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
