And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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