I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
