I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
love makes seman taste better
how do flat chested girls get laid?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
