im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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