You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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