Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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