Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
