half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
