i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
