Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
