i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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