My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
