i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
