I'm lost and stupid without you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
