we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
