he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
