If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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