You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
