Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
