if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
