well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
