apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
