i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
