Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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