im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
