I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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