he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
