what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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