note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
